101: I Know I’m Not The Only One Going Through This

This week, I received a comment from a mother, and I can’t get her painful words out of my mind. She wrote about her 19 year old son,
“… this boy of mine may … be labeled for life for stupid choices he and a friend made. I thought if I could get him through boot camp that I would be safe and he would be ok. We are not ok. I am sad, and disappointed and very angry that he threw it all away, on a whim.

We bailed him out Christams Eve morning (01:00). Horrible Christmas with this hanging over our heads. And now he is being nonchalant about it, like nothing happened and we are making too big of deal about it all.”

     Several lines scare me as I can’t help but put myself in her shoes. One that rings in my head the loudest is the line about him being “nonchalant.” (That is certainly an appropriate word to describe one of the many baffling attitudes I’ve seen from M in recent months.)
     Another line from this heartfelt note that jumps out and bites me is, “…threw it all away, on a whim.” (Impulsiveness seems to be a constant in M’s teenage life.) 
     Then there was the line that told me her son had made this “stupid choice” with a “friend.” (It’s amazing how brazen, defiant, and foolish a teenager can be with a “friend” at his side.)

My mom keeps telling me, “Don’t give up.” 
Don’t worry, Mom. I won’t. 
I’m going to just keep on loving him as hard as I always have – even though it hurts. And I know my new friend is going to keep on loving her 19 year old son as hard as she can too – even though it hurts.

“…if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love.”
~Mother Teresa


2 thoughts on “101: I Know I’m Not The Only One Going Through This

  1. I don't know you at all but stumbled upon your blog when I googled “kite string analogy”. I wanted to use that powerful image (I'd heard it before but couldn't remember the details) in my response to a friend's FB post. Well, 2 hours later, I haven't posted my response but I have read your entire blog and decided I need to enroll myself in your “warrior mothers” club. I also want to tell you what an amazing writer you are and thank you for sharing your struggles, growth and wisdom. I have 4 children and love each of them with all my heart and soul. I still marvel at how incredibly different they are, given they were all raised in the same house with the same parents. There's a reason the saying “no instruction manual for parenting” is a truism. Like the 4 corners of a perfect square – we seem to have one in each corner. My oldest is a man of few words, quiet and hard working, turning 30 this year, single, not dating anyone, in debt up to his eyeballs, and still struggling to find his place in the world. My second (28 yrs) is the same beautiful, strong, intelligent, over-achiever she has been her whole life. Seldom gave us a day of worry – – always responsible, a born leader, graduated with a 4.48 GPA, bachelors degree in 3 years, etc. Now married with 2 little boys and running a home business. My third, the high-maintenance child who demanded 110% of of everything and everyone from the day she was born, the one who as a teenager I swore would put me in an early grave, is now married to an incredibly patient and loving husband, raising the most adorable granddaughter in the world and set to graduate from college this spring.
    In a million years I never would have guessed that my 4th and final child, my sweet little baby girl, now age 20 and still living at home, would be the one I have spent more sleepless nights and shed more tears over than I can count. There are times I wish military school was an option. Unfortunately, she was 18 years old before her problems emerged so legally speaking we have very few options. She is working 2 jobs trying to save enough money to move out on her own, which would probably be the best thing for her, although I cringe at the thought of her sleeping in some of the places she's been looking at. Sadly, we do not have the financial resources to help any further.
    Well, I didn't mean to write my life story. Sometimes the words just keep spilling and I have to will my fingers to stop typing, which is what I need to do now so I can try to get a few hours of sleep. Thanks again for sharing. I'm glad I googled onto your blog. As a fellow warrior mom, you and your son are in my thoughts and prayers.
    ~ Liz

  2. In my past, I used to think God, how much more can I do? How much can I take? And the answer in my head was so clear; As much as it takes. It only hurts because you care, the other end of the spectrum is apathy and everyone who knows you is aware that this word could never describe you. Just remember AS MUCH AS IT TAKES……

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