72: It’s My Job

Sitting across from him in the waiting room, I couldn’t help but stare. From his polished black shoes to his spiffy green hat pinned with his hat brass, he looked nice today. Noticing the tie peeking out from his academy jacket, I wondered if he had to look in the mirror to perform the perfect knot…And if he did look in the mirror as he tied the knot, did he see what I had detected?
    Over the last few months we have noticed a significant change in his appearance; he looks like a healthy kid again. Yes, M is still drinking, but the drugs are no longer lingering.  His eyes look brighter, his skin is clear, and the color is back in face. Does he see how much healthier he looks? We can certainly see it.

     My silent observations were interrupted as his doctor called for us. Walking into his office, my mind whispered, “This is where it began 79 days ago.” I think I sat in the same spot – I’m certain that M was in the same seat.  Flashbacks from that difficult day popped into my head as our meeting began.  But soon, I was back in real-time, and it was difficult too.  What did we hope to accomplish today?  Could the doctor give him something that would make everything better? Is there something we can do to make him realize that we aren’t ruining his life?

Of course, there were no simple answers today.  I suppose I knew that going in – but still I had hoped for a miraculous quick-fix.
     So, how do I move forward from today?
Easy…I’ll focus on his healthy face (even though he gave me dirty looks.) I’ll focus on all the healthy opportunities available to him at the military academy (even though he wouldn’t talk to me about his basketball game last night.)  And I’ll focus on the fact that I am his mom – and I am lucky.

Growing up I wanted to be three things: a mom, a wife, and a teacher.  He made me a mom.
     That’s all I need to keep moving forward.
And I’ll start fresh tomorrow because that is my job.

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