47: Now What Do We Do?

It was as if the comment left on 43: Force Field  last night had given me a little tip-off to today’s surprise phone call.

  I still have some worries for M, what about when he comes home from this military camp?  Day 1, he’ll be back at it again… You say he’s persistent and strong-willed…I don’t think a military school can just change someone with the snap of a finger… – Your friend

Your words are good for me.  I, too, have a lot of worries about the amount of time it will take M to begin changing his ways and breaking some horrible habits.  But recently, my main concern has been my own ability to change. Eventually, he will come home.  And when he does, will I be able to decidedly say “Absolutely Not” to requests that cross the line, and then stick to my word? 
     Since he left, I have been experiencing my own boot camp too.  Now, if I uncover something in the house leftover from the bad days – I pitch it. (Remnants of the chaos used to be carefully placed (and labeled with a date) in big, brown paper bags in my closet – Not anymore.) 
     His room is different – I finally marched up those stairs and removed all the disgusting relics left on his shelves.  The posters that kept me from showing his room to my friends, are now gone too.

     Learning how to trust my instincts is critical, but then actually using my voice to support what I know to be right, might just be more essential. 

So that brings me to today’s phone call. It came at 11:45:

Hey, mom.

M – Is everything okay?”

Yeah.  I just wanted to ask permission to go to F’s house this weekend.  Well, actually it’s his uncle’s house, and he lives about 15 minutes from our house. F asked my other friend to come along too.  We might get to go the Chief’s game Sunday.

“Hold on, M. How are you…How’s school going?

Good.  I’m getting all A’s and B’s.

“Way to go. I’m proud of you…I love you.”

I love you, too.  Okay, so do you think I could do that?  Because if I can, you kind of have to do a lot of things to let me be released to someone else. You’ll have to fax school and tell them that you give your permission to let me do it.

M, you are going to need to give us some time to think about this.

Now, what do we do?


3 thoughts on “47: Now What Do We Do?

  1. It is a difficult decision, but sometime he will deserve a reward. What will he need to accomplish to earn that reward? Perhaps you can clearly communicate what he needs to do to earn your trust again. Is this an opportunity for that conversation?

  2. He cannot come back yet. I think you know that. It sounds like a very manipulative conversation on his part. Keep at that force field.

  3. Absolutely not. Would you really even consider releasing him to someone else? Someone that doesn't know the severity of the situation? Think of how the lack of control would make you feel. Think about the liability if something were to happen. It is not time yet.

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