44: Battle Themes and War Cries

I miss M.  But this separation was necessary.

     For months, we were living in crisis mode. Each day meant another battle, and battle theme songs seemed to be on a continuous loop: “Please Clean-Up Your Facebook,” “You Are Flunking Most of Your Classes,” “How Much Did You Drink Last Night?” “I Thought You Said You Were Going to _ _ _ _ _ _’s House,” “”Stop Talking to Your Brother That Way,” and the ever playing, “We Found This In Your Room Last Night.”

   Luckily, our separation has induced an automatic cease-fire, and it came in just the nick of time because the more tired I grew, the more battles he won…The more battles he won, the harder it was for me to be the strong, firm parent he needed.  It was a vicious cycle, and I couldn’t see clearly enough to uncover confidence in my own maternal instincts.

This reprieve has helped me re-gain a little of that confidence. A stronger backbone is mandatory as I am certain that there are more battles ahead of us. My Mother Bear confidence is on a come-back.  The war isn’t over yet.


2 thoughts on “44: Battle Themes and War Cries

  1. Although my battle is much smaller, I have had many of the same thoughts, decisions and realizations as you. Your anguish and inner torment are so real to me. The bullying, anger and name calling is familiar as well. My shame and fears keep me isolated and jerk me awake at night. Your experience with your son's military school helps to put my mind at ease because we may need to consider it. “Anonymous” is quite wrong about you. You are an emotional mess? Of course you are tortured and distraught! Yet, in public and to others, you are holding it together quite well. Doubting and questioning yourself is normal and correct, especially because, in the end, it helps you do what is best for your son. Perhaps we should pity “Anonymous” as having never experienced the love a real parent has for their child.

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