14: Out of the Blue

Perhaps it was the sappy love song that started the rhythmic thumping in my head.  I believe the headache did began to brew as I listened to that singer on the radio agonize beautifully…I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited…I wish nothing but the best for ~  you

     Although, it could have been triggered by the email I received this morning from his former school.  (It looks like the cross country coaches, kids, and parents are planning for the next big meet…without him.)

     Or maybe it began when one of my sweet 6th grade students shared her “Free Write” with the class.  Her topic today was her mom, and she began, “I love my mom, and I always want to be near her.”  She went on to admit that she thinks it’s funny that her mom still calls her “Pumpkin.”  (I remember when M was little I called him pumpkin noodle.)

     Deep down, I suppose I know what actually started the headache, but it’s strange to admit.  The catalyst was probably residual stress from last night’s phone call from his lieutenant; he suggested that we visit M this weekend. I think I’m scared.

     How in the world do you visit your child in military school? How do you hold back from running up to him, hugging him, kissing him, telling him you love him, telling him you brought him here because you wanted to protect him, telling him you did this because you want the best for him, telling him that he means everything in the world to you.  I want and need him to understand why I’m worried about him.  Will he realize that we didn’t just make this decision out of the blue?

There’s only four days to prepare myself to see him, and I am nervous.

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3 thoughts on “14: Out of the Blue

  1. The “pumpkin noodle” part brought tears to my eyes. Thanks for sharing such personal stories and feelings.

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