In my dreams, M hugs me and says, “Love you, mom.”
I wonder if I ever get to hear those three sweet words from him again. One thing I know for sure is that I have some time before there’s any chance of that ever happening. But I still have hope.
Coincidentally, I just discussed with my students the story of Pandora and how her curiosity let out all of the evils in the world. Luckily, she was left with one thing…hope. Like Pandora, my curiosity let out all of the teenage evils I didn’t want to face, but if she gets hope, then I get hope too.
My guess would be that the first time I get to see him, he will try to hurt my feelings, tell me he hates me, and calls me the new favorite nickname he used for me the last week he was home. By the time he was referring to me as Wuss, I was beyond numb or sad. You see, my wheels had already been in motion to save his life.
I wonder what he thinks when he learns that the first time he called me Wuss, I felt stronger than I had ever felt before. Hope had already started knocking at my door even as the evils were still spilling out of his bedroom, his scooter, his closet, his backpack, and his medicine cabinet. Hope is a great gift for a parent.